Memory

      My memory is very funny. I have distinct memories from my childhood of the little things that really don’t matter ,and yet I sometimes forget where I parked or someone’s name that I should totally know. Call it mommy brain or call it what you want but it seems like somethings come and go, while the other things that seem to be unimportant never fade from my memory. Here is one of those memories. It seemed very insignificant, but it turned my world around a few weeks ago. 

      When I was in eighth grade my friends were always up to do anything, as long as it was together. When our teachers mentioned that we were having a forensics (still haven’t figured out why the heck it is called that, Peesha) team, we decided to try out for it. I remember us going after school and reading our different readings before heading over to the hoagie shop. I can’t tell you what my actual friends read, but there was a girl who read something about a witch with spooky potion, and then there was Courtney. Courtney happened to be the granddaughter of my amazing neighbors. Courtney read the story of a little girl being diagnosed with Leukemia. While I don’t remember everything that she read, I won’t ever forget that she said the girl was diagnosed after having bruises even though she didn’t bump into anything. The memory has been ingrained in my memory since that day, and I never knew why until recently. 

         FlashForward 20some years later, to just after my son Jack’s first birthday. That’s when he went from being lovingly known as Happy Jack because of his constant smile, to pretty much shutting down. It started with getting fevers- 101...102... nothing crazy. Then he started getting up at night and fussing for hours. Being that he only had two baby teeth so far, we chalked both up to teething. A few nights later, my son, Cooper, and I went to visit my sister Boston where I was to attend a conference. One night alone with Jack, and Danny decided he was taking him to the doctor. I hate to admit this, but I totally made fun of Dan for this. I’d been the one getting up with Jack, and I thought he was being dramatic when he was forced to be the one to get up. Little did I know that he may have saved my boy. According to the doctor, he had an ear infection, but by the time we got home from Boston, he still wasn’t any better. On top of this, he was even getting nosebleeds at night. Dry air, everyone said. We blasted the humidifier but he would still wake with a slightly red nose. They gave him a stronger prescription, but 3 more nights of fevers, fussiness, and hunger strikes, we knew he needed to go back to the doctor. Even more alarming still was how lethargic Jack had become. Slowly, he had stopped attempting to walk and in that short amount of time, he even stopped standing like he always had before.

      The last night Jack spent before our lives forever changed went like this.Jack was fussy and clingy, But as my mother and I sat to watch the local girls basketball team in the state championship, I pointed out how he had bruises that I really couldn’t explain. I showed her one on his leg, followed by couple others. Then we finally both noticed one of his foot. Who the hell gets a bruise on the foot. Because this was such a strange thing, we gave each other that “this is serious” look, and said that he would definitely going to the doctor tomorrow. I couldn’t help but think of Courtney’s forensics reading. Less than 24 hours later we were hearing the words. Jack Carter Callahan was diagnosed with Leukemia.

     Since that day our lives have been turned upside down. We now lead double, hell, sometimes even triple lives. We’re asked constantly about how we re doing, how Jack is doing, how Cooper is adjusting, and that is why I wanted to start this blog. I think everyone in our Jack’s incredible village has a right to know what’s going on and I honestly need an outlet for getting things off my chest so I can maybe go back to sleeping at night. I’m currently typing this in my bed, blind without my glasses, as Cooper sleeps spread out like a starfish next to me. Dan is away sleeping in a hospital bed in Danville. Half of this was written via auto text while I was on my many drives home. Home is currently two places - our town where we are desperately trying to give Cooper the normal life he deserves, or with Jack, our sweet little boy, who is in the fight of his life.