Timing and Time

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about time and timing. I mean this whole leukemia crap makes me question the whole “everything happens for a reason” motto, but So many things have happened lately that just make the timing of things feel almost, well, kismet. 

For example, remember that trip to Boston I mentioned in my previous post? Well, I left out the part about how when we arrived on the doorstep of Amy’s new, amazing apartment, two men practically pounced on us announcing that her building had just been condemned...like an hour ago. Cooper cried so loud because he thought we were locked out of Amy’s apartment that neighbors eventually came downstairs from their non-condemned apartment to give him some Ben and Jerry’s. This was probably the first of many signs of how incredible humans can be when times are tough. Eventually we ended up going to stay with my cousin and her awesome fiancé and it turned out to be a great weekend. Amy is okay, and her apartment is still standing, just waiting for the city of Boston to lift the ban on entering the place. But her new found semi- homelessness, and recent move to a work from home job made it easy for her to be able to move back home to help us with Cooper and Jack. This truly has been a game changer for us and has made the hurt we feel when we can’t be with one of our boys so much easier. 

Flash forward to the night before Jack went to the hospital. Remember that basketball game I mentioned earlier? Well, I left out the part about how I proudly wore my Lady Bucks state championships shirt to school. One of my friends saw the shirt and started talking about the game. I told her that literally the entire town would probably be watching, because that’s just Dunmore. We cheer each other on and help each other out whenever anyone needs it. I told her about Jog for Jude and what they’ve accomplished, and she told me her own personal story about a fellonw Dunmorean helping a friend in a time of need. We talked how it absolutely is one of the best places to live. Period. In just a few days, Dunmore, as well as people from all around the area and even across the globe, started to rally for our Jack. They raised thousands of dollars, sent countless prayers, and made us feel like everyone has Jack’s back. With that kind of support, we knew we could face the road ahead.  

Unfortunately not every story I tell can be super uplifting and have my positive spin on it. There are also many things about timing that are not as pleasant. 

There’s the fact that I am haven’t put in enough “time” at work to be able to qualify for FMLA. Yep. Because my poor boy didn’t wait long enough to get sick, I need to work. I don’t have the sick days because I just had a baby and a major surgery to get said baby safely into the world last year. I mean, my baby hair (you know mamas, that hair that grows in after your hair all falls out from having kids) hasn’t even grown in long enough to resemble bangs or layers yet. So I need to put in the time this year to be able to qualify for FMLA next year...because guess what folks, we’ll still be dealing with this then. It’s sucky and an unfortunate reminder of just how messed up our maternity leaves are in this country - but that’s a whole other issue. 

The final thing about time is a hard one to write. But it’s the thoughts that terrify me every single day. I worry that Cooper won’t remember his brother because he isn’t old enough to see him and most of his life has been without him being there. I worry that my Grandma won’t have time with Jack, who she loves so very much. I worry that every day may be the last happy one before things get ugly. I worry about time. A lot. 

So instead of letting these thoughts make me crazy, we laugh when we can, we smile often, and we enjoy the time we have in this moment.