Someday, someday...

Fun fact - The drive from Janet Weis in Danville to my school is just long enough for you to listen to the first act of Hamilton. I’ve gotten very close to Hamilton on my rides to work. I would always put it on in the car since Christmas when Danny surprised me with tickets for this summer. However, I would always start by playing the opening number. Maybe this was because it was the one that was easiest to memorize, or because I recognized it from Carpool Karaoke, or when it was presented to the Obamas years ago. But regardless of the reason, I would always just say “play Hamilton” into the car and start from the beginning. These days I’ve listened to the whole soundtrack forward and backwards, and I could probably teach a history lesson based on the play’s soundtrack. On good days, it hypes me up to face the day. On bad days, I think the songs are truly telling our story and I ugly cry most of the way to work or the hospital. I mean, it’s impossible to listen to Dear Theodosia without thinking about any of us talking to Jack.

Dear (Jack) what to say to you

You (smile with your) eyes

You have (our father’s) name

When you came into the world you cried and it broke my heart

I'm dedicating everyday to you

Domestic life was never quite my style

When you smile, you knock me out I fall apart

and I thought I was so smart

You will come of age (a cancer patient)

We'll bleed and fight for you

We'll make it right for you

If we lay a strong enough foundation

We'll pass it on to you

We'll give the world to you and you'll blow us all away

Someday Someday….

Oh, (Jackie) when you smile I am undone, my son

Look at my son

Pride is not the word I'm looking for

There is so much more inside me now

Oh, (Jackie) you outshine the morning sun, my son

When you smile, I fall apart

and I thought I was so smart

I'll do whatever it takes

I'll make a million mistakes

I'll make the world safe and sound for you

We'll give the world to you and you'll blow us all away

Someday Someday...

Well someday has come sooner for my Jack. He’s has already blown us all away. So many people have said a variation of, “thankfully he won’t remember any of this.” I have to will myself not to interrupt and say I hope he remembers it all. My boy has already shown more strength and courage than I’ve shown in my whole life...and he’s done it all with a smile. It’s almost like he knows that if he smiles through it, that we can handle it too.

But despite my pride in him already, I can’t help but dream about what his life will become, if…Yep. Ugly crying. When I think of the future, I can picture Jack a teenager complaining about having to get out of bed when he doesn't feel good. I picture Dan and I yelling, "You beat CANCER, you can suck it up and go to school, kid." I can picture him playing sports and when they see how tough he is, they'll say "you mean to tell me that's the kid who was sick??" I can imagine Jack and I dancing at his wedding. I can imagine so much. I just hope we get to see it...Someday, someday...