It's Okay To Laugh

      My family affectionately tells me that they thought I was not very bright when I was a little kid. According to my parents, they used to watch me laughing or smiling at everything and say, "Thank God she's pretty." - because no kid could be smart who is constantly laughing. It wasn't until I finally entered school and they had conversations with my teachers that they realized that I wasn't the dummy that they thought. I think the same goes for my adult life. Given my current situation with Jack being in the hospital, Dan and I barely seeing each other, and Cooper having his moments where he lashes out at us because he has "big feelings" to quote the Muppet Babies - you would think I wouldn't have a lot to smile about. People look at my smiling face with complete and utter confusion -- shock even. As if I couldn't possibly have anything to laugh or smile about -- but really that's not the case at all. 
      Jack wakes up every morning smiling. You read that right. My baby who has a port in his chest, leukemia in his blood, and a hospital for a home wakes up smiling every single day. Some days he wakes up and immediately does "so big" or waves or laughs out loud. In his tiny hospital room he has countless toys, pictures decorating the walls, and books galore. He has multiple playlists that are frequently blasting from the Alexa we brought so we are always ready for a dance party. He has a giant window where he watches cars, people, and the occasional helicopter, and a door window where he gets to spy on his friends - the amazing nurses, doctors, and families who are part of his new world. Of course there are days where there are sad moments, when he cries over medicine or a dressing change, but overall he is my Happy Jack every single day. The one doctor joked with us as teachers, "I give him an A...I'd give him an A+ if it wasn't for the darn cancer!" It seems silly to joke about such things -- but hey, laughter is the best medicine after all. 
      Another reason for my smiles is Dan. Dan and I are not some fantasy couple who has a perfect life. On the contrary, we are as normal as they come. Our love story is not one that would make for a great novel, but it's ours. He is my person. And with his love and support I find reasons to smile constantly. In fact, Dan and I had a major moment the day after Jack was admitted. One of us finally cracked a joke, and we congratulated each other on finally breaking the ice. We decided then and there that it was okay to laugh again. We couldn't simply sit around sulking or crying all the time (not that neither of those things has happened since that moment). Since we made this decision, a weight was lifted and it was like we were able to be ourselves again. After all, with a little blood and platelets, our boy was already acting like himself again - so we needed to follow his lead. 
       Then there's Cooper. My amazing/crazy/hysterical three-going-on-fifteen-year-old. Sure, he lashes out. Yes, it takes two adults to give him medicine (because obviously God had to throw an ear infection into the mix just to keep us grounded). But Cooper Callahan has my heart. He knows when I need a hug without my asking. He says the sweetest things when he thinks no one can hear. And holy cannoli, he makes us laugh. While I don't get to see my sweet boy nearly as much as he deserves, the times I am with him are amazing. He boggles my mind with his crazy vocabulary and adult-like wit. I could just sit and listen to him for days. I love him through and through...yesterday, today, and tomorrow too. 
       So, to those people who say things like, "I don't know how you do it" or "I can't believe how positive you are," I say, that's because I have so many reasons to smile every day. I have three fellas who each share a major piece of my heart. I could go on and on about the millions of reasons that I am thankful every day -- but that's for a later post.